I'm Back!!

I have been gone from my blog for too long! I will post soon about our 3 weeks in Korea this summer. It was good. It was hot & humid. It was emotional, and sometimes confusing for my kids and myself. I have had to process it before I could write about it... I will soon!

Leaving soon!

I just realized how quickly my trip is approaching! Next week the kids are at Camp Chin-gu (friend) - a local Korean culture camp. A week from Sunday we leave for our 18 days in Korea. While I am very excited, I am suddenly hit with the realities of dealing with leaving for almost 3 weeks and with getting everything figured out over there (subway, buses, guest house, etc.). Lots to do. Right now we will land in Seoul on 7/20 and spend the night at the Holt Guest House. We will have 2 days in Seoul. In the afternoon of the second day we will take the KTX Train to Busan (so fast!), where we are staying with the parents of a friend of mine - they are so sweet and kind to us. The next day we will take a bus to Goseong and pick up my son's younger brother who will come to Busan to stay with us for several days while my son's Halmoni is working. This is great!! We were not expecting to be able to do this. This will allow my son to have lots of time with his brother. I am planning to run out and pick up some board games, a frisbee, etc. so that they have plenty to play with.

Bought the Tickets!

I finally bought our tickets to Korea this summer. Due to my father's death and some obligations in relation to that this summer, we had to move it and shorten it a bit, but we will be one for 18 days. I'm really looking forward to the trip. Now I have to figure out how to get from the airport, to Seoul. Last time we had a tour company. We get in around 5AM and will have our luggage plus my daughter's donations for Holt that she collected as part of her Girl Scout Bronze project. I am off to search the Internet for options.

A friend I want to start a group like KAAN (Korean-American Adoption Network)in our area. Our goal is to bring together all in our larger region who support Korean culture in one way or another. One of our goals is to start a youth group for middle school kids and high school kids where they can learn about Korean culture, talk about issues that relate to them as Korean-Americans (and sometimes address adoption issues with the adoptees) and just have a fun time hanging out with kids like themselves in order to build a support group of sorts. We are trying to figure out how to get the ball rolling... Any and all ideas welcome!

What do we owe our children?

A Korean friend has told me many times how much she admires how hard I am working to learn Korean and about Korea. I finally tried to explain to her that I feel that this is the least I can do for my kids. While our family coming together has much joy, there is loss and pain involved as well. My children lost their first families and their culture. While we now have ongoing communication with some of my son's birth family (not my daughter's - yet), I cannot give them back their first families. I can, however, work to give them as much Korean-ness as possible - language, customs, food, holidays, art, music, etc. I am always floored by the adoptive parents who choose not to do this. Who choose to say, "My kids area American now." Or say that their children have no interest in Korea. Most kids don't have an interest in religion, but most families educate their kids on their religious beliefs anyway - it should be the same with education about the child's birth culture.

As adoptive parents we have to do our best to "become Korean" - Korean culture should become OUR culture and be a part of homes and our everyday lives. It cannot be just on Lunar New Year or an occasional dinner out at a Korean restaurant. Our kids need to know that "Korean" is not foreign - it is who they are. They need to know that Korean culture is valued and respected. And the parents who deny it are cheating their kids, and setting their kids up for all kinds of identity issues later on.
(stepping off soap box now)

More drama...

While my husband and brother (who lives with us) have been watching football, I watch Korean TV. To add to my list from before, I enjoyed You're Handsome/Beautiful, Will it Snow for Christmas and IRIS. We now get KBS World on our satellite - I love it! There are travel shows, kids shows and IRIS. The Music Bank show is great as well - my kids love seeing the latest music from Korea. Now we are trying to find out how to buy it and download it.

Worldview

I should preface this post with this: I believe that International Adoption from Korea should end. I believe that all mothers should have the right and opportunity to raise their own children and be supported in this when needed. They also should not be discriminated against. That said....

I am American. I have been raised with a worldview that, while it varies from person to person, has many commonalities with other Americans. Our nation from it's conception has been all about personal freedoms and liberties. We learn this from the time we are young children. Our country is all about the individual. And no matter what ethnicity a person is, if you are raised here, in a family that has its roots here, you grow up within that worldview and with that worldview. Our personal beliefs color this worldview to a point.

Our American or Western Worldview is VERY different from the Eastern Worldview. In most Asian countries, and in Korea specifically, the Worldview is about the family. It is based on Confusion beliefs. Everything is looked in terms of how it will impact/affect the FAMILY, not the individual. This is very hard for those of us with a Western Worldview to understand. It seems to us a violation of human rights. The individual has rights, as we see it, while the Eastern Worldview says no, it is about the impact of the individual's choices on the family.

This difference in Worldviews is, in my opinion, why there are so many babies who need homes in Korea right now. The Confusion belief system still runs strong. The Worldview is different. In Korea a young, unwed woman having a child affects the family. Her choices about keeping/raising her child versus placing it for adoption are seen as a family affair. From our Western perspective this is wrong, it should be about the rights of the mother, not her whole family and what they think.

This way of thinking is slowly beginning to change. Slowly. There is no way to take a belief system that has been held for thousands of years and expect to change it overnight. I commend the adoptees who are in Korea now working to make this change, but they are there with a Western/American Worldview. They are bringing the ideas of individual rights with them and are struggling to understand the notions of Confusion belief, of Korean Worldview.

It is hard to look at a belief system that seems so very wrong to us and accept that it is considered right by another group of people. And to keep in mind, as we work for change, that we cannot just impose our own Worldview and expect another group of people to accept it as right.

I wrestle with this - I want to see change, but at what point are we ethnocentric and imposing our own Worldview? How do we help make change in a way that is effective and at the same time respectful?