More drama...

While my husband and brother (who lives with us) have been watching football, I watch Korean TV. To add to my list from before, I enjoyed You're Handsome/Beautiful, Will it Snow for Christmas and IRIS. We now get KBS World on our satellite - I love it! There are travel shows, kids shows and IRIS. The Music Bank show is great as well - my kids love seeing the latest music from Korea. Now we are trying to find out how to buy it and download it.

Worldview

I should preface this post with this: I believe that International Adoption from Korea should end. I believe that all mothers should have the right and opportunity to raise their own children and be supported in this when needed. They also should not be discriminated against. That said....

I am American. I have been raised with a worldview that, while it varies from person to person, has many commonalities with other Americans. Our nation from it's conception has been all about personal freedoms and liberties. We learn this from the time we are young children. Our country is all about the individual. And no matter what ethnicity a person is, if you are raised here, in a family that has its roots here, you grow up within that worldview and with that worldview. Our personal beliefs color this worldview to a point.

Our American or Western Worldview is VERY different from the Eastern Worldview. In most Asian countries, and in Korea specifically, the Worldview is about the family. It is based on Confusion beliefs. Everything is looked in terms of how it will impact/affect the FAMILY, not the individual. This is very hard for those of us with a Western Worldview to understand. It seems to us a violation of human rights. The individual has rights, as we see it, while the Eastern Worldview says no, it is about the impact of the individual's choices on the family.

This difference in Worldviews is, in my opinion, why there are so many babies who need homes in Korea right now. The Confusion belief system still runs strong. The Worldview is different. In Korea a young, unwed woman having a child affects the family. Her choices about keeping/raising her child versus placing it for adoption are seen as a family affair. From our Western perspective this is wrong, it should be about the rights of the mother, not her whole family and what they think.

This way of thinking is slowly beginning to change. Slowly. There is no way to take a belief system that has been held for thousands of years and expect to change it overnight. I commend the adoptees who are in Korea now working to make this change, but they are there with a Western/American Worldview. They are bringing the ideas of individual rights with them and are struggling to understand the notions of Confusion belief, of Korean Worldview.

It is hard to look at a belief system that seems so very wrong to us and accept that it is considered right by another group of people. And to keep in mind, as we work for change, that we cannot just impose our own Worldview and expect another group of people to accept it as right.

I wrestle with this - I want to see change, but at what point are we ethnocentric and imposing our own Worldview? How do we help make change in a way that is effective and at the same time respectful?

The Gift of Language

한국어 Korean language - it is probably the most important, life-long gift I can give to my children. It isn't an easy gift to give. While learning the Korean alphabet is easy, there are many rules and sooo much vocabulary. There is also the time factor - finding time to study and go to class with so much else going on. It is hard for my son, who is studying Latin at school, and Korean at home.

But, even with the difficulties and our very slow progress, it is so worth it. When we return to Korea in July we can talk to Halmoni about what color things are, we'll count for her and name animals, foods and body parts. :-) We should also be able to tell her if we're hungry or full, ask for a bathroom and greet people. I can tell the kids, "Let's go, hurry up!" (가자! 빨리!). Well, we still have a long way to go. For my kids, it is a matter of feeling that they belong. When we were on the subway in Seoul back in April there were times it was very obvious that people near us were talking about us. Both kids said they wanted to learn Korean so they could know what was being said about them! More importantly, knowing Korean will allow my children to return to Korea if they choose and be able to communicate, to fit in a little more easily. For my son (and hopefully someday for my daughter) it means being able to communicate with his Korean family without a translator.

So, we will continue to plug away. We are very thankful to our Korean friend who teaches us, and to so many members of our local Korean community who let us practice our skills when we see them. I am thankful for the encouragement and pride the Korean community has shown my children when they use the little Korean they have.

한국어 공부 시간! (Time to study Korean! - I think).

Changes in Korea

I have been following the work of TRACK (Truth and Reconciliation for the Adoption Community in Korea)as they work to get legislation enacted to allow adoptees more information about themselves. This group is working hard to make sure the voice of the adoptee is heard in Korea as laws concerning them are being made. I hope they are successful. You can find them on Face Book at:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Truth-and-Reconciliation-for-the-Adoption-Community-of-Korea-TRACK/124569369223

The other big change in Korea in relation to adoption is the increase in domestic adoption versus international adoption. I think this is great, but I am worried about the children. I hope that Korea is putting social education in place to help those children be accepted in society. Traditionally, adopted children were not afforded the same legal rights as birth children. And the social stigmas have been awful. I wonder if domestically adopted children will be accepted into families of the people they wish to marry. I hope that the social workers are following up on the adoptees - I'm concerned that the monthly stipend, help with housing and additional health benefits will encourage some people to adopt for the benefits and that these people might not treat an adopted child in the same way they would a birth child.

I am also encouraged to see that there is a group working to help single mothers have rights and help so that they can keep their children. The social stigmas related to unwed pregnancy are ridiculous. The way these women, and their children, are viewed is so wrong.

Soo.. how do you change a centuries old culture? How do you get people of that culture to understand the need for human rights when the rights are at odds with long held beliefs? I think that getting the laws and programs into place must come first, but then how do you help these same people (adoptees, birth mothers) be accepted by society? I hope it is possible. I know that there is a good chance my children will live in Korea at some point - whether they choose to make it their permanent home, or live there for a short term, I want them to be treated with respect, to be able to marry whomever they choose without the rejection of the society that created the social situation which lead to their need to be adopted.

Dream Update...

I have found out that I have a place to stay in Busan for a month next summer. Now I have to decide if I can really do this for a month. My husband cannot join us for most of it... he might be able to come visit for a week. The other mom who was thinking of going with us is now going to England instead. Can I live in Korea for a month by myself? In Busan? We would have our friends' parents near by, though they have only a little English. Hmmm....
I think I will contact InKAS and see if J can help us find a school that would let the kids attend for part of the day in exchange for my helping with English classes (a private school, I figure).
Much to think about...

My new addiction...

My name is Toni, and I am a Korean drama-aholic. I have discovered www.mysoju.com, where one can find Korean dramas with English subtitles. I love it. I am currently into Queen Seon Duk (this one is showing in Korea now, so I have to wait for two new episodes each week). I also enjoyed Boys Before Flowers and I am working my way through You are My Destiny - I think this one is a Soap Opera, and I usually don't like soaps, but this is funny. While I enjoy them, I remind myself not to judge the culture from them - imagine if people judged Americans after watching Married with Children or Days of Our Lives. It is interesting to listen and get the language in my ear. I can sometimes pick out words I know, and I've learned a few new ones, some of which I can't put into print and don't want the children to know. The most interesting part is the respect/class piece. How people speak/bow/interact with those they see as inferior or better than themselves. I'm sure this is exaggerated somewhat on a show, but I think it is part of the culture.

Queen Seon Duk is historical. The costumes are amazing. I have looked up information on it and the historical accuracy isn't authentic, but the story is good.

Chosuk

The Korean holiday of Chosuk - The Full Moon or Harvest festival is coming up on October 3. This holiday travels around on the Lunar calendar, usually falling in late September. It is often compared to the American Thanksgiving, though I think it is a combination of Thanksgiving and Memorial Day. We have decided it is about time we added it to our celebrations. The tradition, as I understand it, starts with a morning ceremony of bowing in honor of the family ancestors. A special table with special foods (one being moon shaped rice cakes) is set up, and while wearing hanbok, the family bows in front of the table. After that, the family travels to their family burial place to clean it up for the year. There is a family dinner that evening. We are doing a modified version with the table and dinner happening at the same time. We are looking forward to two other families like ours, and one Korean family joining us. I am still trying to research what foods to include... more on that later.